This is now my tall order when I hit any kind of bar or drinking situation.
Being sans alcohol has been easy for me. Yes. I say easy! Simply because I’ve realized ALL the things I was missing when I was drinking. I like having those ‘things’ now. The thought of giving them up is not an option for me now. It’s like someone handed me a pot of gold! It was such a life changing experience that I learned more about myself in the 1st year of sobriety than I known about myself in the 31 years of my being. I had pulled away the velvet curtain hiding myself.
When I denied a drink, or, just say, I actually do not drink anymore….the faces of everyone would be like one of a dog that looks at you sideways, or, I’d get a total dropped/feared face of a person, and then their utmost confusion of why I do not drink anymore. It’s like I’m trying to tell people that grass is purple. I would start to tell people I did it for health reasons, and then they would lose interest immediately in my story, so, I started jokingly telling people, that it was court ordered and that I have a few battery charges, that ALWAYS peaked interest in my ‘story’. Funny how I had to have drama filled story to get anyone interested in my journey.
Now. The beginning of my journey wasn’t ‘fun’. In fact, it was slightly like an identity crisis. I learned friends that I had for years, ‘didn’t’ want to hang out with me, or, didn’t invite me out anymore. It was pretty emotional for me at times. Friends would mention that I would judge them while drinking now, really, I could give two-shits about what people do. Really, they are judging themselves. Yes, there were times were I’d be like, ‘this party would be a lot more fun, if I was drinking….’, or, ‘this person’s story would be a lot funnier if I was drinking’…The key for me was, be around those people that are drinking that are actually FUN! The people that laughed, danced, and just kept things positive. My favorite thing about being sober was…having complete control. That is something I drank to get away from before. Now, I enjoy control sooo much that the thought of not having it makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I can be sillier while dancing, because, everyone is a little sideways anyways!
Another BIG thing was Love. Being loved. While drinking, I didn’t think I deserved a love that was real. I cheated myself in ‘relationships’ that were based upon last call. Now I realize what I deserve, and it’s a LOT more than anyone has EVER shown me in my drinking days. I’ve never ‘needed’ a relationship to live my life. Never been a serial dater. But, now I’m a lot more choosey in who I spend time with. I’m just all about having fun, and if isn’t fun anymore…I end it. 🙂
I remember when I was drinking, I actually judged people that didn’t drink. I thought they were lame and didn’t like to have fun. In fact, I too was soooo confused myself why someone choose not to drink! My weekends were based upon: when can I start drinking? can I sneak drinks in somewhere? what time do the bars open (this was a struggle on Sunday’s waiting till noon)? I didn’t have the funds to be drinking as much as I did on the weekends, so, I would charge my drinks, and why not buy a few rounds of drinks for people while I’m at it?! This was another big of the reason for me quitting. I was living beyond my means. I would blow $40-$80 per session, and I realized I couldn’t keep up with that. I would go with a $20 bill in my hand, and end up at the ATM to get more cash. I was again, creating more issues that I was drinking away. My debt. I was also drinking away that I really didn’t like myself. I wasn’t proud of who I was. I didn’t like the way my clothes felt. I drank to forget all those things. I drank to get the confidence I was lacking. Sure, I was out-going sober, but, really, I wasn’t, it was just a facade I created, which was slowly crumbling.
Now! I know who I am, and I’m learning more and more about myself everyday. It’s truly an awesome feeling. I have the ability to trust my thoughts and feelings. My thoughts have changed to knowing that I create EVERYTHING that happens to me. So, if I do not like something, I change it, seems simple, right? It’s just that simple. I’ve learned to not live in stories that I have created. I can only control myself, and nobody else. It’s a much simpler way to live, and drama-free. I have the clarity to think now. I’ve learned what world of opportunity there is to have, I couldn’t see it from my bar stool. 😉 I have accomplished sooo much since I quit, I seriously believe it was a pinnacle moment in life. I couldn’t really begin living my life till I made the change. Needless to say, my life has blossomed like crazy. I know I’m only gaining speed on my life, soooo step aside and…watch out! 😉
Ps: I will still close down any bar, you’ll probably find me at the jukebox rocking the best sing-a-long songs….and…I’m the BEST DD! 🙂
Pss: Are you sure Hank done it this way…